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fetish shoes

Fetish Hypnosis Replacement

Can hypnosis be used to treat a fetish? A fetish is generally described as a sexual attraction towards an inanimate object or a particular, non-sexual part of the body. With a rubber fetish, a person gets sexually aroused by touching on wearing rubber garments. Leather fetish is very similar. One of the most common is a shoe fetish, getting sexual gratification from looking at shoes, handling shoes, smelling shoes.

Many years ago I had a client who had a fetish about rubber. The only thing he could remember that might account for this was a memory of having a tightly fitting rubber swimming cap when he was a child. At the time I was unable to help him, but I never forgot about him. I have always wondered at the origin of his problem.

Instant learning experience

I started thinking about this recently while I was telling someone about how I cleared phobias. He asked me where phobias came from. I explained that a phobia is an instant learning experience. An instant learning experience is something like touching a hot stove. You learn instantly that hot stoves burn and you never touch them again. However, some people don't just remember that they get burned, they get a lifelong fear of stoves. The exact mechanism of how this happens is not known.

Origins of a phobia

After many years of treating phobias it seems to me that there is a common element in acquiring a phobia. I think that the essential elements include an unexpected event, an intense feeling of threat, and the inability to get away or do anything about it. For example, bird phobia is very common.

It typically arises when a child is out with its mother, feeling safe enjoying themselves in some outdoor situation. And then suddenly they have a bird flying at them, wings flapping around them noisily, maybe even close on their hair. This generates an intense instant fear. When that is combined with the feeling of being unable to get away from the bird there is a potential to generate a phobia. The phobia is easily cleared by getting the person to experience the feeling of fear again, and then using metaphor replacement therapy to change the fear into something else.

Origins of a fetish

I believe that a fetish is simply the opposite of the phobia. Instead of experiencing an intense fear, I think the person gets a fetish by experiencing an intense sexual pleasure while doing something else, and the two things get linked.

Just as a phobia can be acquired from just about any random experience, so can a fetish. My old client with the rubber attraction probably at some point felt a strong sexual urge while simultaneously experiencing some rubber object. The two get linked in the brain in the same way that a phobia gets created. From then on any time the person experiences something made of rubber they are instantly reminded of the sexual feeling associated with it. I believe that this is the origin of a fetish.

Removing a fetish

If I am correct in this, then it suggests that a fetish can be removed in exactly the same way that a phobia is removed. Clinically, all one would have to do is to get the person to experience the positive feeling they get from their fetish object. Then apply metaphor replacement therapy to their representation of the feeling. Then change it from a positive feeling to a neutral feeling. That is exactly what hypnotherapists do with phobias. You take the negative feeling, represent it in some way, change the representation,  and the fear disappears. I see no reason why it should not work to change pleasurable feelings.

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Procrastination attention seeking

Procrastination attention seeking

Reports of the recent shooting death of the US rapper XXXTentacion revealed some significant detail about his tragic life. The BBC quoted his early life as "grim and confusing". According to the BBC, his mother was a teenager when he was born and she was absent for long periods when he was growing up. He was brought up mostly by his grandmother, family friends and babysitters.

This is a classic example of dysfunctional family circumstances which lead to antisocial behavior by the child. And sure enough, XXXTentacion had a long history of criminal behavior marked by violence. Various reports suggest that the success of his music career was partly the result of his ongoing violence. Being violent was part of his attraction to his fans.

Desperate for attention

But in his case, his violence may have been more than just random behavior. The BBC reports that he "once said that he used violence to make his mother pay attention". He used violence quite deliberately to deal with his own emotional needs. "I used to beat kids at school just to get her to talk to me, yell at me," he said.

It seems that that neglected little boy desperately wanted his mother's attention. And would do anything to get that attention. If the only way she would notice him was when he was violent, then that was what he would do. Bad behavior was his strategy to get noticed. It did not matter that it was "yell at me" attention: attention is attention. Any kind of attention is better than none.

This makes perfect sense from a behavioral psychology point of view. Children want their parents' attention and will do whatever it takes to get that attention if it is not freely offered.

Procrastination attention seeking

This is an extreme case of a child using extreme behavior to get what he wants. But I think it is actually much more common than we suppose. Not the violence, but the strategy of behaving badly to become the focus of a parent's attention.

For much of my own life, I have procrastinated. I would put off starting things, Or not finishing them. This applied to things that were important, valuable, that I was going to get into trouble for if I didn't do them. And that I suspect is a direct parallel between me and XXXTentacion.

I also grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father was usually away at work. My mother was distant and distracted and not the slightest interested in her children. From an early age, I was very aware that my family was different from other families.

It is only now, long after my mother has passed away, when I look back over the things I did not achieve in my life, when I look at the wasted opportunities, I can see the parallels.

Procrastination attention seeking and work

I suspect that the things I procrastinated about had a common factor. There were things that authority figures wanted me to do. Quite legitimately in most cases. Employers want you to work. They want their projects finished.

But I learned as a child that if I didn't do whatever my mother wanted me to do, at some point I too would get yelled at and perhaps beaten. But at least I was being noticed.

I think I have transferred that behavior to my adult life. Still seeking attention.

I wonder how much procrastination in other people reflects a similar need?

 

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yoga, meditation and hypnosis

Yoga, meditation and hypnosis

Yoga, meditation and hypnosis

The link between yoga, meditation and hypnosis is evident. All of these practices can make you feel better, quiet your mind, and improve your quality of life. Why they make you feel that way is a matter of belief.

Yoga and meditation are passive techniques. The basic intention, according to Buddhist beliefs, is to empty to your mind, to think of nothing, to experience a complete loss of self. The idea is that you just open yourself, the essence of who you are, to the universe. By connecting to the universe, you become one with it. You become aware of just how small and insignificant you are in comparison. In theory, this quiets the ego-self, and turns off all feelings of your own importance.

How does Yoga, meditation and hypnosis work

However, recent research shows quite the opposite. It has been known for more than a century than getting skilled at anything makes you more proud of yourself. This is the exact opposite of what yoga and meditation are supposed to do. Ironically, it seems that the better you get at meditation, the more impressed you are with yourself. This actually makes you focus more on yourself rather than less.

Researchers found that people who had done yoga in the previous hour felt higher self-esteem than equivalent people who had not. Similar results were found with meditation. Regular meditators who had meditated in the previous 24 hours scored more highly on measures of self-esteem than people who had not meditated.

Ego-quieting doesn't 

Ego-quieting is offered as the reason why yoga and meditation work. By quieting the chattering ego, by diminishing it, you make yourself feel better. But this study has shown a different mechanism. The study suggests that by being successful in your yoga meditation practice you actually boost your ego. It is the ego boost, not the lack of it, which increases well-being.

Presumably this is why self-hypnosis produces the same result?

 

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Psychology and hypnosis

Psychology and Hypnosis

Psychology and Hypnosis

Psychology and Hypnosis sit together very uneasily. Everything that hypnotists do is based on a theory of how the mind works. Some of this theory is very old and based on therapy room experience. Some of it can barely be counted as theory since it is based on notions of cosmic influence which cannot be tested. And some of it is based on laboratory-based psychology studies.

The theory which is based on public psychology is thought to be more reliable than the other parts. There is a great deal of criticism of hypnosis and hypnotherapy simply because there is no concrete explanation of how and why it works. So wherever possible hypnotherapists build on findings from University psychology studies in order to validate what they are doing.

Psychology and Hypnosis bias

All academic studies and social science are subject to bias and error and psychology has come in for increasing criticism in the last few years. Most published psychology studies only feature positive results. Psychology studies which failed I just ignored, and do not get published.

This is known as publication bias. Another common bias is to do the studies on your own students. Something like 80% of public psychology articles are actually based on surveying first and second year students. These are definitely not representative of the whole population.

However, recently a much more worrying criticism has emerged. Two of the most famous psychology experiments have been found to be deeply flawed and possibly fraudulent. One is the famous Stanford prison experiment. In this experiment students were randomly allocated to act as warders or prisoners. As the experiment progressed warders got more and more cruel, and prisoners got more and more desperate to get out.

The lesson from the experiment was that giving people a role influences how they behave. It now turns out, 40 years later, that some of the prisoners and guards are admitting that they were acting. They were pretending to the emotions that they displayed. In fact, the students have admitted to doing what they thought the researchers wanted them to do.

A new psychology paradigm?

As a student study this really doesn't seem too surprising or too important. However, this experiment has influenced two generations of psychologists and has generated much follow-up research. The other famous research, Milgram's electrocution experiment has come in for similar criticism. Later researchers have claimed that the students delivering the electric shocks were encouraged to go on beyond the point that they wanted to.

The point is not that these experiments were deliberately fraudulent. They were not. The point is that for almost 50 years there have been accepted as examples of good practice. The reality is that these and many other psychological experiments have later been found to be defective. They just do not stand up to scrutiny and practice.

Maybe there is something to be said for basing your therapy room practice on your own practical experience, rather than try to incorporate something that may or may not be valid?

Should hypnosis be theory based? Leave a comment below.

 

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invisible woman

The Invisible Woman problem eating

Why can't you lose weight?

It is strange how so many people remain overweight, but are always the same weight. They stay much heavier than they want to be for years and years with barely any variation. You would think it would be just as simple to lose weight once,  and stay at that  lower weight in the same way. The Invisible Woman gave me an insight into why some people just cannot lose it.

My client had been on every diet ever published, had tried fasting, had tried everything – but none of it worked. She always ended up eating when she didn't have to. Something would make her feel miserable, and she would reach for the comfort food. She said to me, "It's not that you want to be overweight, it's just that you don't care".

I spent some time exploring why she didn't care. She could not give me an exact answer, but it had something to do with how she felt about herself. Basically, she didn't care because she knows that whatever she does she won't be seen, won't be accepted.  So why not just do what you enjoy? Eat.

Her basic problem was "I am rejectable".  She always expects to be rejected. "I feel invisible. Nobody cares". Given that basic feeling then it is understandable why she eats, gets overweight, and doesn't care.

Origin of the Invisible Woman

I had no idea what to do, really. So I put her into trance, and decided to go with whatever developed. Once she was securely in trance, I went for what I thought was the principal problem – the feeling of being unimportant, invisible. I simply got her to focus on that feeling.

My aim was to get her to really open up to the feeling instead of avoiding it. So I asked her, "And feeling that feeling, what comes to mind?" After a while she started to tell me about a memory of coming to this country. She was a child, she did not understand what was happening, she had lost all her friends in the old country. It turned out that her mother hated being in this country.

Her mother was pressured into coming here and resented her husband for making the family relocate. The marriage began to break down, and for a lot of the time her mother just wasn't around. That little girl felt neglected, abandoned, not looked after. And then her mother died at age 12. She became a problem, instead of a little girl.

Visualizing the Invisible Woman

That explained where the Invisible Woman came from. I encouraged her to stay in the feeling. The feeling changed and grew. She said "The feeling is fear. I am like a gas bottle. I am all solid steel, and full of pressure, and about to burst".  Using her metaphor of the gas bottle, I tried to get her to imagine it breaking or collapsing. She could not see that. Then I said, " Has it got a valve?". Then I got her to imagine a tiny leak from the valve. That transformed it. Suddenly the gas bottle was emptying and pressure had gone.

She then gave me a visualization. She said "I am dressed in a fairy costume. In a room full of grownups. I am dancing and showing off. I am delightful and getting noticed". Then she said, "They are all stroking my hair".  I developed this metaphor. I told her she was dancing and spinning. As she spun more and more I suggested that little girl was growing up.

Then I put her in front of two mirrors. One was today's overweight woman, the other one showed her as she wanted to be. I was going to use the standard change procedure of moving from her one to the other. But she surprised me. She said "the fairy has touched the mirrors with her fairy wand. And I am now changed to the new picture". She had come up with her own transformation method!

My final help was to give her a visualization of  her dancing down the street in her fairy costume and into her new future. Lovely.

How do you deal with problem eaters? Leave a comment below.

 

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Increase Hypnosis Success

Hypnotherapy is a strange and mysterious thing to most people. Clients who come to be hypnotized are often uncertain of what to expect. Many are secretly convinced that they can not be hypnotized, are seeking the session out of desperation. They really don't expect it to work. Many of them are therefore ready for it not to work, and will use anything as evidence that they are right.

There is one simple thing that every hypnotherapist can do to increase their success - convince the client that they were hypnotized. Success is a matter of meeting the client's expectations. If the client believes that they were not hypnotized then the hypnotherapy is unlikely to work as well as if they believe that they were. So it is good practice to always find a way to convince the client they were hypnotized.

One simple way to increase hypnosis success

Some people assume that because they can remember everything, they must not have been hypnotized. Others expect to feel somehow strange or bewitched in some way and are disappointed when they don't feel that way. Others expect to wake up feeling totally different and that their life will instantly be transformed when they open their eyes. This naive set of beliefs works to prevent a successful outcome.

Therefore the therapist has to demonstrate to the client, clearly and unambiguously that they were in trance. It has to be proved to every client, every time.

Use eye catalepsy to increase hypnosis success

improve hypnosis successThe easiest way to do this is to test for eye catalepsy after the induction. This lets both you and the client know that the client really is in trance. I have trained myself to always do this. When I started out as a hypnotist I was often afraid to do this test, just in case the client wasn't in trance. I have since learned that if the client opens their eyes then you both have learned something valuable. The other simple convincer is to do a finger lift at some point in the session.

A method that is used less often, but is probably better, is to talk to the client in trance. Ask them what they are experiencing. Again this is very illuminating for both parties and rapidly builds the confidence to use regression and metaphor therapies.

Building in a convincer takes only a minute or two, and is well worth the extra effort.

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cannot visualize

Hypnosis for people who cannot visualize

Can't Let go of what she said

My client today discovered that his female partner was texting someone in Australia boasting that she was having sex with some other man. She explained to my client that she was actually winding up the other guy. He has accepted this explanation but cannot let it go. Every time they have an argument or disagreement he brings it up. She is now telling him to get over it, move on, or find somebody else.

He keeps thinking about the incident and can't let it go. The suggested to me that he has depression. I showed him my  dysthymia check sheet and he agreed that he is all over it. He told me that his sister is bipolar. I decided to teach him  some thinking exercises.

I started on the Tiger exercise. He immediately told me that he cannot visualise aTiger. In fact he cannot visualise anything. I tested with various things. He couldn't even visualise a circle. He said that when he thought about the Tiger what came to mind was his own cat. A fat and lazy cat. But he wasn't seeing the cat. He was experiencing the cat. He had no visual ability at all. I therefore could not use the thinking exercises. I didn't really know what to do.

Hypnosis for people who cannot visualize

I asked him what he gets when he thinks about the texting incident. He told me that he can remember the car, and her leaving her phone on charge, and him thinking there's something odd about the text he'd seen, and then checking again later. He could not visualise any of it. He was quite astonished that I could visualise things easily and clearly. He appeared quite worried by this as if there was some sort of deficit in him. But when he was talking about the incident he said "I can feel it now". I therefore decided to do metaphor replacement therapy on it.

I got him to think himself back to the incident and he quite quickly got the feeling. When he confirmed he had the feeling I asked him how big it was. "Massive". I asked them what colour it was. He said "maybe black?". He was not visualising it. I asked him "is it hot or cold?". He said it's cold. I asked him "what shape is it?". He said it's like the shape of a person, and outlined shoulders and a waist in the torso.

I asked him "can you make it a little bigger". He immediately said "no". I asked him if he could make a little bit smaller?. He immediately said "yes". Very quickly he made it so small it could fit in his hand. I asked him what would happen when it goes away. He said he could be free he could have a chance of getting her back again. He would be able to make good decisions again.
I then asked him what he wanted to happen to that thing. He said he wanted to throw it away. He imagined himself standing on a cliff and throwing this thing down. I then talked him through this thing going into the soil and rusting and turning into earth and being washed away.

I then tested him to go back to the incident and see if there was any feeling left. He could find no feeling. But he still wasn't convinced that it had gone. I talked about the process for a while and explained how it all worked.

Cannot visualize his second issue either

Eventually he said that he's got another issue. He has jealousy about an ex-partner of his wife's who in his opinion stands too close to her and is trying to upset him. He gets angry and jealous whenever he is near his wife. I asked him to go back into the feeling. He got that. I asked him "and what is it like?". He said "is like a sheet, a sheet enveloping me".

He then said that he could pull the sheet off and I got him to do that in detail. He said that he'd thrown the sheet down on the ground. I asked him to pick it up. He had it between his hands. And I then got him to do something to it. I suggested he could tear or shred it or set fire to it. He decided to set fire to it. It ended up as a small pile of ash very quickly. I got him to blow it away and sweep up whatever was left and it was over.

He agreed that the feelings had gone but was still quite skeptical about whether it would stay gone.

What I realized from this client is that I have found a way to deal with people who cannot visualize. I was really surprised at how well metaphor replacement therapy worked for someone who could not visualize at all.

How do you deal with non-visualizers?

 

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Stage hypnotist Rapid Induction

Stage Hypnosis Inductions

Stage Hypnosis Inductions

I got an email today:

I recently purchased the "Best Hypnosis Induction Scripts" package instant download version and I really love it. I've bought a lot of hypnosis scripts from your site. I am a young hypnotist (19 years-old) and this has provided the best of assistance to me so I want to say thank you as I am seriously considering becoming a stage hypnotist and I might just book my first gig at a corporate event party at my company soon despite me being so young.

Getting to the point now... although every single induction is very useful within the hypnosis scripts' package, the Instant and Rapid Inductions are personally the best of service to me because I am going to do hypnosis for stage performing/entertainment and demonstration purposes. Instant Inductions are short, quick, and instant and will work well for me in my field of work.

That leads me to my question: is there, by any chance, a way for you to personally provide me some more instant and rapid induction scripts via email? The ones you provided are great! It's just that I would love to have more in my arsenal as a hypnotist. It would mean the world to me if you could personally develop some for me in the same organized step-by-step format you used in the hypnosis scripts package. You know, with the organized tables that explained what to do when?

I know it sounds like a lot to ask but I am a loyal customer after all and I need help more than ever. My boss could set me up with my first stage hypnosis gig at the company party. It'd really be cool if you could hook me up with some more instant and rapid inductions via email since that seems to be the simple route. Anyway, let me know. Thanks!

Stage Hypnosis Inductions

My reply was:
Good to hear from you. And thank you for those kind words about my scripts.

I am not a stage hypnotist myself, but I have been to many, many stage hypnosis shows.

I can understand why you think you need more inductions, but I think you are looking at the wrong part of a stage show. The key skill in a smooth stage show lies in selecting the right participants. Everyone can be hypnotised. Hypnotic induction is actually fairly simple. So it's not the induction that is critical. What is absolutely, totally crucial is including the top 5% of hypnotisable people in your audience.

Suppose you have a group of 50 people. You would not want more than five people upon stage. Therefore all you have to do is to find the top 10% of the audience and that will give you your five people. Stage shows on Youtube always miss out this part of the show. But it is the most important part.

Stage Hypnosis is entertainment, not science

You need to spend five or 10 minutes warming up your audience before anyone gets to the stage. Then you get the whole audience involved by inviting everyone to close their eyes and imagine a weight on one hand and a balloon on the other hand. Take note of the people whose hands rise and fall. The ones whose hands rise and fall a bit are hypnotised. The ones whose hands are way up and down are faking it. But that's okay. You're not there to demonstrate hypnosis.

Your job is to entertain people. The people who are faking it are all exhibitionists who want people to look at them. They will go along with whatever you suggest as long as they can show off. They want to get up on stage and act silly and do everything else you want. You want to get a mixture of the easily hypnotised and the exhibitionists.

If you end up with too many potential participants, then you need to refine the group. Do another test for hypnotisability. The easiest tests are Magnetic Hands and Hands Stuck To Your Thighs. This is a much stronger test of hypnotisability, especially the Hands Stuck to Your Thighs test. The people who naturally can do this are your ideal participants.

While you are doing the testing you're actually entertaining the audience. They are trying it themselves, and they are also seeing the people around them who are responding. You are setting up the expectation for both the participants and the audience for the rest of the show. Make the selection process one of the funniest parts of your show.

Stage Hypnosis Induction safety on stage

Invite the fakers and the highly susceptible up on stage. Then you do a group induction. Do not do an instant or rapid induction. Your chances of getting an abreaction with an instant induction are very high. No one wants to see someone lying unconscious on the stage thrashing around  as if they are in an epileptic fit. That is definitely not good for business. You can expect to get one person in 200 to go into an abreaction. You need to avoid that until you have a lot more experience, and know how to deal with it.

Abreactions is the main reason why there are so few stage hypnotists. Hypnotising people in public is easy. Getting people to do stupid things on stage is easy. Dealing with someone in the grip of a full-on psychological terror is not.

Stage Hypnosis Induction safety for you

After you have done the group induction you will find that some people are actually not in trance and not amongst the exhibitionist group either. Get them off the stage immediately. Also, get rid of the drunks.

Then, turn to the audience at that point, and say something to make sure that anyone in the audience who was also induced snaps out of it. Use a bit of audience participation and get them to poke each other or something like that. Get every to say aloud that they are not in trance.  You do not want anyone coincidentally crashing their car on the way home and saying it's your fault.

Keep your Stage Hypnosis inductions simple

My advice is for you to leave out the Standing Inductions and the Handshake Inductions until you have perfected your basic show. All those polished performers that you see in Las Vegas or on that television show have had 15 or 20 years experience before getting to that point.

Good luck with your next show. You can be a star.

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freud and hypnosis

Freud and Hypnosis

I keep meeting people who are in awe of Sigmund Freud. I am not one of them. At university, I studied Freud and the more I learn of his ideas, the more I dislike them and everything about them. Many people now regard him as little more than a self publicist.

Most people know nothing of the connection between Freud and hypnosis. It comes as a surprise that Freud was originally a hypnotist. He learned the medical use of hypnosis from Charcot, the founder of modern clinical hypnotism.

Charcot was famous for running what was practically a circus of hysteria, using hypnosis to showcase the symptoms. Charcot was internationally famous while he was head of his clinic. But after his death most of his work was debunked and hypnosis was avoided by mainstream medical professionals for decades.

Freud and Hypnosis

Freud used hypnosis until it fell out of favor and then gradually developed his theory of psychology. The theory of primitive sexual drives made Freud one of the leading figures in the 20th Century. He was hugely influential for a whole generation of psychologists and educators.

However, nowadays researchers tend to question his methods and cases. Freud actually worked with very few clients. Most of his fame rests on a handful of cases. It is not that these few cases were the peak of his output, the fact is that these were practically the only cases he had.

He died in 1939 and started analytical therapy just before 1900, so he had about forty years of practice. He typically saw each client every day for an hour. That means that he could not have had more than eight clients a week. But each client was treated for about five years. So he could only have had about eight clients every five years.

Over forty years he would have treated at most sixty four individuals. Many of those were in fact students who had to undergo years of analysis before they could practice as psychoanalysts themselves. Plus he spent much of his life writing, travelling and lecturing. His whole theory is actually based on a very small sample.

A modern hypnotherapist will see more clients in a month than Freud did in his entire lifetime.

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anxiety and weight gain

Anxiety and weight gain

Today I got this email:

I am studying hypnotherapy and was hoping that I could use hypnosis to help with my own weight problem. I have listened to various weight loss CD's but it seems to have little effect. I was wondering if you had a script that I could record and listen to myself for weight loss?

If you are new to therapy the first thing you need to realize is that people seldom recognize the source of their own problems. People don’t have weight problems: they actually have a self esteem or anxiety problem. The reasons for weight gain are well known – eat too much and you put on weight. Simple. Continue eating too much and it stays on. There is no mystery about why people are fat. The mystery is why they don't regulate what they eat.

Anxiety and weight gain

In my experience weight problems are always emotional problems. Anxiety and weight gain are closely connected. People eat because their thoughts make them feel anxious. Eating gives them something to do to distract the thoughts. Then they get overweight and that makes them feel bad, so they get negative about themselves, and the cycle continues. The right approach is to find the source of the anxiety.

What you need to find out is why you eat, and what it is doing for you. Since you are a hypnotherapy student the best thing to do is to hook up with one of the other students.  Together you can explore why you are continuing to eat when you know you shouldn’t. This will benefit both of you.

Then get the other student to choose one of the scripts and personalize that script to suit your particular needs. Ask the other student to put you into trance and follow the script outline. Self recording seldom works.

What do you think?

How do you deal with weight loss? Should aim at the weight or the emotions?

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