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blame

Who do you blame when things go wrong?

    Why blame yourself?

    Most people blame themselves for everything that goes wrong. It is a very human tendency. Your client can describe in great detail everything they do wrong. But they seldom consider whether their failings are actually their fault. Maybe the problem belongs to someone else?

    I sometimes wonder if there any need to diagnose the client at all. With some clients you can almost predict what their problem is from examining their family.  I had a client today who told me about her alcoholic mother, a father who was away at sea for one month on and one month off. And a brother with a temper problem and alcoholic binges. Add to that a sister with a permanent negative attitude to everything, and a grandmother who was strict religious.

    People tend to personalize their failings

    You could predict that she would be withdrawn, lonely, depressive. And of course she was. The problem she brought was lack of motivation and a life long history of weight problems. She told me that she never seems to be able to keep the weight off. She sabotages herself constantly, has relationship issues, her life is a mess. And it's all her fault.

    The strange thing is, that even with that cast of characters in her background, she still blames herself. She blames her own personal weakness for her condition. I have endless sympathy for people brought up in dysfunctional families ( I am one myself). But I never understand how people invariably see the problem as a personal one, and not a family one. They should consider whether their problems might be from something done to them, not something they have done?

    Maybe therapists should get family health training?

    I wonder if the curriculum of hypnotherapy training shouldn't include sections on recognizing the origins of disorders. Not just how to treat the symptoms.  Lessons in how to correlate clinical problems with family situations. That would be a major aid to accurate diagnosis and targeted treatment, in my opinion.

    What do you think?

    I wonder what examples other people can remember? Does having a dysfunctional family always mean you will be affected psychologically? Should we ask about family history first?

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    can be hypnotized

    How do you know if your client can be hypnotized?

      How do you know if your client can be hypnotized?

      Previous experience

      There are questions that you can ask to establish whether or not your client can be hypnotized or not.

      The first question to ask is "Have you ever been hypnotized?". I find that quite a high proportion of people who come to me for hypnosis have already had some experience of hypnosis. Some will have been hypnotized at a stage show. Others may have consulted a hypnotherapist at some point in the past.

      It is always useful to ask "and how did that go?". Very often my client will say "I don't think I was hypnotized". This opens up the way to a discussion about what the client expects from hypnosis, and why it didn't work at the time.

      If the client has been successfully hypnotized in the past it is often useful to ask "What induction method did the other hypnotist use?".  The answers are always interesting, and may give you some pointers as to which method to use.

      Establish their expectations about if they can be hypnotized

      You can also ask "do you think you'll be easy to hypnotize?". A "Yes" answer suggests that you should go straight on with your simplest induction. A "No" answer should lead to a discussion of why the client feels that way. It will very often bring out one or more false beliefs about hypnosis. Clearing these away will make your induction much easier. Then you can ask questions about how close they are to their subconscious anyway.

      Establish how open they are to their own subconscious

      If the client has never been hypnotized, then there are several ways to establish how susceptible they will be.

      1. Are you the kind of person who daydreams?
      2. Have you sometimes driven home, and realize you can't remember anything about the journey?
      3. Do you find that you can lose yourself in a book, or a computer game, or a movie, and forget about time and everything else?
      4. Do you often find yourself thinking in pictures instead of in words?
      5. When someone is talking to you, or you're watching TV, do you sometimes "zone out" and you can't remember what they said?
      6. Do certain events trigger vivid memories for you? So strong you feel like you're there?

      A "yes" answer to most of these will indicate that you have a client who is highly susceptible.

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      unconscious mind experiment

      Unconscious mind experiment

        Unconscious mind experiment

        As an unconscious mind experiment, I decided to put myself into a gentle trance. The object was to ask my unconscious mind what the subject of my next blog would be. I settled down in the chair, and just willed myself to go into trance. Within a few seconds I got a twitch in my hand. This is my personal indication that I'm going into trance. I got various images, none of which stayed very long, or led to anything much. I was actually sitting quite uncomfortably. As I felt myself relaxing deeper into trance I was worried I would fall out of the chair. So I brought myself out of trance. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it at this time.

        And that got me thinking about how deep I had gone. That made me think of how would I know how deep a client had gone. It is always a problem to know how deep a client is. How can I get the client to tell me how deeply relaxed they are? 

        How to measure hypnotic depth

        There is no point in just asking them. The client would have no way of knowing, would have nothing to measure it against. Which made me think of using a ruler. I could tell the client to visualize a ruler. Tell them that one end was zero, fully awake, and the other end was ten,  deeply relaxed. Then ask the client to visualize where they were on that ruler.

        This led me to the idea of an ever extending ruler. I immediately thought about a measuring tape. One of those things where you pull the tape out from a case. This would have the advantage of going far beyond ten. The client could envisage the tape being as long as they want. Even endless.

        A new induction from my unconscious mind experiment?

        And from that, the germ of a new idea arose from somewhere. If I could get the client to imagine where they were on the tape, then I could get them to imagine moving further along the tape. And if the tape went on forever, then I could suggest to the client that as they went along the tape they got deeper and deeper, more and more relaxed. And so the idea for a new and original induction emerged.

        So perhaps my unconscious mind experiment worked. It is strange how the unconscious mind works. My unconscious mind experiment did allow me to find something totally new and unexpected to write about.

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        NLP fast phobia cure

        Why the NLP Fast Phobia Cure works

          I learned the NLP Fast Phobia Cure many years ago. I have used it a lot. But nobody knows why it works. This book gives a reason.

          I am reading, and rereading, the book by Peter Levine, In an unspoken voice. In his book Levine puts forward his theory that most psychosomatic and behavioural problems are the result of unresolved trauma. I am greatly impressed by this book because of the explanatory power of its underlying theory. It does not deal with hypnotherapy directly, but everything he puts forward as theory maps exactly on to what hypnotists do to fix their clients.

          Why the NLP Fast Phobia Cure works

          And bearing in mind that 'there is nothing as practical as a good theory' I keep finding insights into why standard hypnotherapy techniques work. The NLP fast phobia cure consists of taking the person to the edge of distress to the moment just before they will experience what they fear. Then they are encouraged to go through the experience visually. They see it happening very fast, then run it in reverse. Then they play with the images, making them bigger, smaller, distorted and so on.

          This fits in perfectly with Levine's ideas. He says that when we have a traumatic experience and we are prevented from getting out of it, we freeze and dissociate, but the trauma remains within us. The only way to get rid of the frozen trauma is to work through the whole sequence of events slowly. That way you become aware of what is happening in your body. He says 'When we are able to slow down and experience all the elements of sensation and feeling that accompany our traumatic patterns, allowing them to complete themselves before we move on, we begin to access and transform the drives and motivation that otherwise compel us to re-enact traumatic events'.

          The Fast phobia cure does exactly that. It allows the sufferer to control the speed at which events are experienced. You go through it all slowly and deliberately. So the NLP Fast Phobia Cure is actually the slow phobia cure.

          NLP has never been able to provide a rational explanation for why the 'cure' works. I think that the Body Sensing theory explains it completely.

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          hypnotic visualization skills

          Hypnotic visualization skills in inductions

            Hypnotic visualization skills are used in most hypnosis inductions.  But they don't have to be. You can use a breathing induction and avoid most visualization issues.

            The problem is that most hypnosis inductions rely on visual imagery. If the client can't visualize, then they will have difficulty getting hypnotized. Inductions such as watching the sun going down, or waves on a beach, depend on a degree of visualization ability.

            Test for Hypnotic Visualization Skills

            It is easy to test for visualization skills. All you have to do is to ask the client 'can you imagine a horse?' Then ask them what color their horse is. Most people say 'brown'. Then ask then what direction the horse's head is facing. Most people say it is facing to their left. Then ask them to imagine their horse as a different color, or being smaller or larger. This will let you judge very accurately how good their visualization skills are.

            However concerns about hypnotic visualization skills is probably over emphasized. People can imagine waves on a beach without actually needing to visualize the waves going in and out.  You  can be induced into trance by thinking about waves in general. The idea of waves is what is important, and most people can manage that. It helps if the therapist suggests 'imagining' the waves, rather saying 'now see the blue waves rolling up the golden sand and the white foam hissing as it spreads out. Now see the water rippling canyons through the soft sand as it withdraws...'. Putting too much detail into your suggested images is always a mistake.

            Avoid the need for hypnotic visualization skills

            The best way however, is to avoid the need for any visualization at all. You can use an induction that does not rely on imagery at all. Then it doesn't matter whether the client can visualize or not. I now always use a breathing induction. Everyone knows how to breathe. You link that to a physical relaxation induction, and then deepen  it  with a staircase countdown induction. This works reliably with 99% of people. It puts them into trance in about three minutes.

            In hypnotherapy sessions, it is best to avoid problems rather than solve them.

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            Body Language

            Body Language for Hypnosis Rapport

              Body Language is what your client is telling you before they speak

              Body Language is important for hypnotherapy. When I meet a client for the first time, I hand them my clipboard. I ask them to write down their name and email address. And while they are doing that I inspect them minutely and try to figure out what their body language is telling me. I look at their fingernails, bitten nails are a  sign of chronic anxiety; their hair, poor grooming suggests depression; how they are dressed, all dark colors suggest lack of confidence; their jewelry, loud or excessive jewelry suggests low self esteem - and so on.

              Body Language - you cannot not communicate

              People are signalling how they feel all the time. If you choose to pay attention you will learn that body language doesn't lie. NLP teaches that even when you are silent, you are communicating. How you stand, how you dress, how you arrange your feet, are saying something, whether you are aware of it or not.

              I have had a fascination with body language most of my life. I get as much practice as I can, and not just with clients. Every time I am in a public place - on a bus, a hotel foyer, waiting in a shop - I spent the time studying someone. I am trying to learn what their actions, posture, clothes, expression, interactions with others is signalling to the world. Sometimes you get nothing much. But now and again their body language gives you a sudden insight into that person's life, what they feel, how they see the world. It is endlessly fascinating and when it is done right you get total rapport with the other person, you really understand how they feel.

              After a while, you get a sense of general categories. I can now watch people go by, and think 'Depression', or 'Anxiety' or 'Unhappy marriage' just from the signals they are giving off. After a while it becomes automatic. It also gives you a much richer understanding of what is going on around you.

              I recommend studying body language as a way to increase your rapport building skill with clients.

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              hypnosis conversation

              Hypnosis Conversation in trance

                I recently finished a script about Fear of Sexual Intercourse. As usual I got someone to look it over to check for typos and bad logic. They could not work out where the 'yes' and 'OK' were coming from until I used different colors to identify who was speaking.

                You need Hypnosis Conversation to succeed

                I was suddenly struck by the fact that in all thousands of hypnosis scripts I have read, only a handful have any interaction with the client. Almost never is there any conversation in trace with the client. In virtually all of the scripts I have seen, there is no hypnosis conversation, the only talking done is by the therapist.

                I think that in therapy, the client is the one with all the answers. If you need to know what is going wrong and why, you must have a hypnosis conversation with the client. If you don't interact with the client, if you are not getting the client talking back to you, you are wasting the main resource you have.

                Using a one-size-fits-all approach based on scripts will only produce second best results. I remember when I was beginning to do hypnosis I felt very uneasy. Part of me was afraid of asking for a reply and not getting one. The other part of knew that there was no other way to know what they were experiencing, and I had to ask.

                The advantages of Hypnosis Conversation

                I soon got into the habit of asking for confirmation of trance. Then I started asking them what they felt. Finally, I was able to have a full in hypnosis conversation about what was going on in their minds.

                Conversing with their unconscious minds later enabled me to understand Clean Language skills and to develop some expertise in metaphor.

                But it does seem to me that too many hypnotherapists keep on talking at their client, instead of having a hypnosis conversation with their client. If you do all the talking, you will have no way of knowing how effective your words are, or what the client is actually getting from it.

                I suspect that many new hypnotists are too afraid ask, just in case the client isn't really in trance. And then get into the habit of one-way hypnosis.

                The best way to check how you are doing is to have an in-trance hypnosis conversation.

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                motivational speaking

                Hypnosis better than Motivational Speaking?

                  I was asked "what can hypnosis do that motivational speaking will not give me?" My reply was that hypnosis will give you lasting and permanent results, whereas motivational speaking generally fades after a few weeks. Actually, if motivational talks worked, you would only have to go to one, and you would be set for life. And as has often been observed, if the speaker was so successful, why are they still trying to get money from the listeners?

                  Why do motivational seminars not last?

                  The structure of a motivational speaking event

                  To answer that question you have to look at the structure of a motivational speaking event. They all follow a fairly standard format.

                  1. The speaker is introduced as someone wealthy, successful, happy, fulfilled.

                  The objective of this is to make the listener believe that they too can become wealthy, successful, happy, et cetera.

                  1. The speaker then asks if the listeners also want to be wealthy, successful, happy, et cetera.

                  The listeners are encouraged to shout out and affirm that yes they too want to be wealthy and successful. This sets up a positive mindset in the listener. It also generates a group effect.

                  1. Then the speaker tells some story about how they hit rock bottom financially and psychologically.

                  The purpose of this is to connect with the audience. To let them know that the speaker has actually been worse than they are.

                  1. The speaker then explains how they accidentally found the answer to everything.

                  This makes the listeners think that they too could get out of their present situation. If they knew the answer, they too can be wealthy, successful, happy and so on. Which then raises the expectation in the listeners that they want to know what the answer is. Right now.

                  1. The speaker then says the answer is some form of mental attitude. And then illustrates the point over and over with any number of videos, stories, and guest presenters.
                  2. That is usually followed by some suggestion of 'secret' metaphysical powers that you can get by using the "secret answer".

                  Why motivational speaking fails

                  The object of this is to put the onus for success on the listener. It works only if the listener believes it. Any failure is therefore because the listener does not believe enough. It also makes the proposition untestable, and therefore not subject to the normal standards of proof.

                  1. Various methods are promoted for achieving wealth, success, happiness, but they all involve goal setting.

                  The listeners are encouraged to set out their goals in detail.

                  1. The combination of a clear goal plus the "secret answer" is promised to give success without effort. The message is "Just focus on your goal, and it will happen".
                  2. The listeners leave highly motivated and ready to change their lives.
                  3. The motivation fades over the next few days and weeks.

                  The listener is then ready to sign up for the next motivational speaking guru who comes along with a different "secret answer".

                  This formula is tried and tested, and virtually guaranteed to fail. Motivational speaking fails because although having a clear goal is good, it is not enough. Nothing happens without effort. If you don't change, your life won't change.

                  Why hypnosis works better

                  The reason that hypnosis sessions usually have a better outcome is because a personalised hypnotherapy session doesn't just motivate you. It also identifies the factors stopping you from having success. And a good hypnotist will build in suggestions for how to identify the things holding you back. And once identified, the hypnotist will enable your unconscious mind to find ways to overcome those things. That procedure has a much higher chance of success. That is why hypnosis is superior to motivational speaking.

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                  dream experiences

                  Dream Experiences of smell and taste

                    Dream Experiences and sensory perception

                    Dream Experiences are often strange. You are often trapped and unable to move, or being pursued, or one thing suddenly merges into something else. But the strangest dream experiences may be what you don't dream of. Do you smell or taste things in your dreams?

                    I was revisiting one of my favorite books: Awake This Dreamer! by Walter de la Mare. It is a collection of poetry and short essays on the subject of sleep and dream experiences. I have always been interested in dreams. They have a lot to tell us. I think they reflect what is being processed by the unconscious mind. In particular they let us know when the unconscious mind is moving on from some blockage that previously was preventing you from living your life fully. A dream is a metaphor, and very often you can recognize elements of your current life in the metaphorical parts of the dream. Parts about changing or leaving something show that you are discarding old beliefs and attitudes, and replacing them with different, more flexible beliefs.

                    Dream Experiences haven't changed much, it seems.

                    One poem particularly caught my attention. It was written four hundred years ago. The author reflects on his personal dream experiences. He observed that no matter how sweet a flower might be in your sleeping mind, you never smell its fragrance. And it struck me that he was right: you don't dream of smells. I have not heard of anyone reporting an actual smell in a dream, or a taste for that matter.

                    I wonder if that is because the sense of smell is located in a primitive part of the brain? Perhaps only the more recent developments of the brain that deal with shape and color appear in dreams because they are located in the outer cortex. The outer cortex is accessible to consciousness. Your sense of smell and taste is located in the primitive reptile brain stem. Maybe that is why smell does not appear in dreams?

                    From my own personal dream experiences I notice that in dreams I always have perfect vision. I am quite short sighted, and I need glasses. But I never need glasses in my dreams. Everything is always in perfect focus.

                    I wonder if that applies to everyone?

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                    magic smoking question

                    Magic smoking question case

                      Every smoker is different

                      This case shows the power of the magic smoking question. A young woman came for stop smoking hypnotherapy. She told me that she really wanted to stop because of possible health issues in the future. She had no health issues now. I asked if she had ever stopped. She said that she had stopped once for three months but then started again when she arrived in this country. She liked to use cigarettes to break the ice at social events and meeting people. I couldn't get any real reason for why she wanted to give up. She told me she liked smoking and smoked whenever she could. Nobody was allowed to smoke at work so she smoked on the way to work, and after she got home at night. Even so she was getting through 15 cigarettes a day.

                      She said that she liked to smoke when she was stressed. Sometimes she would deliberately pick a fight with her boyfriend so that she would feel bad. That meant she could go outside and have a smoke to calm down. She did other things to provoke these feelings that let her light up to relieve the stress. Although she was completely honest and open about it, at the same time she wanted to hide her smoking from her parents back home and the people she worked with. She agreed that smoking was her secret and she got a bit of thrill out of that.

                      Asking the magic smoking question

                      I was at a bit of loss as to how to start with this client so I decided to ask her my favorite question 'What do you feel when I say "you will never have another cigarette as long as you live''?

                      Her answer was 'anger'. She felt angry at the idea that she would not be able to smoke again. She felt that she was being prevented from doing something that special to her.

                      I had never come across this particular response before. But it was an emotion and whenever an emotion surfaces I always do a metaphor replacement therapy on it. In this case I got her to visualize the anger, she saw it as a black triangle, made of squishy sponge, light and soft. You could squeeze the water out of it, but it would always fill up again.

                      I got her to imagine making the triangle a little smaller, and then a little smaller still. It stopped being able to hold water, and then she tore it in half and put the bits in the bin.

                      I asked what she felt about smoking now, and she said 'I think I can stop smoking now'!

                      I find the power of that simple question quite extraordinary. And just as extraordinary is the fact that smokers have these rather bizarre beliefs that stop them stopping.

                      I love doing smokers, no two are ever the same.

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