Month: January 2018

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procrastination perfectionism

Procrastination Perfectionism

    Every day brings an interesting client. My client today had procrastination. He is finishing university this year. He has one more course to finish and his degree will be complete. He failed the course last year and now he cannot get down to studying what he has to do for this year. If he fails this time he will fail the whole degree.

    Typically a therapist would suspect that this client either is afraid of failing or is afraid of succeeding. And indeed when he gets his degree he will be taking up a job overseas. He will have to give up the comfortable life of a student, so there is the fear of the unknown.

    Procrastination Perfectionism

    However, when I questioned him further it was obvious that he was actually suffering from undiagnosed depression. He had all the symptoms, and in particular, black and white thinking. In his case this was in the form of perfectionism. Procrastination Perfectionism is very common. 

    He felt that if he was not going to do well in the exam and pass with outstanding marks then he was a complete failure. He had failed before so he wasn't sure that he would pass this time. That little voice in his head was saying  'You might as well not bother'. And so he was demotivating himself over and over. As the deadline crept nearer it got more and more likely that he would indeed fail. So it became an ever diminishing circle of anxiety and recrimination, and negative thinking. And the more pressure he put on himself the less work he did.

    Once the situation was explained to him he could see what was happening and that the key to preventing his procrastination was dealing with the negative thoughts first. We will have to wait and see how this turns out, but it is interesting to me that in all the books I have read on procrastination none has ever suggested the link with depression, expectations and perfectionism.

    I think it might be worth researching further.

    What do you think? Leave a comment below.

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    hypnotised against their will

    Hypnotised against their will

      I had this enquiry today:

      Is it true that people could be hypnotised against their will? Is it just a myth? And how do mentalists hypnotise people within few minutes?

      I replied:

      It depends what you mean by hypnotized. Hypnosis takes many forms. Hypnosis has been defined as the art of planting suggestions into someone else's mind. The most common form of this of course, is advertising. When you are watching television, you are relaxed and your mind is open. At that point advertisers push their message into your brain suggesting that you buy their product. You didn't ask for this, you didn't agree to it, and it is inserting an idea into your mind against your will. People say they don't respond to advertising, but advertisers wouldn't do it if it didn't work. So yes, people can be hypnotised against their will.

      If you're thinking of formal hypnosis, then no, you cannot hypnotise anyone who knows that you are trying to hypnotise them. If I know someone is trying to hypnotise me, all I have to do is repeat "NaNaNaNa" over and over in my mind and that will blank out whatever they are saying.

      Hypnosis is a normal and natural process. We all go into hypnosis many times a day. Any time you daydream, any time you drive home and can't remember how you got there, any time you are lost in a computer game or a good book, you have been hypnotised. It is actually very easy to do.

      All you have to do is to get people to focus on something and suggest that they stay focused on that you suggest that they are getting relaxed and tired and sleepy. Most people will go into trance within two or three minutes. It is no big deal. It certainly is not any kind of mystery.

      You can learn to hypnotise people after an hour's training and study. The simplest methods will take ten minutes to put someone into trance. Faster methods will take less than a minute. It depends what you want to do after they are hypnotised.

      However, nobody can be made to do anything they wouldn't normally do. You cannot go down to the bank and tell the manager to give you all their money and forget about it. It just doesn't happen. You can't tell a girl to fall in love with you. It doesn't happen. You cannot tell a girl to take her clothes off. That doesn't work either. Millions of men have tried it, and have failed every time.

      So yes, you can hypnotise people against their will. But you cannot make them do anything that they wouldn't do when fully awake.

       

      How would you deal with this ? Share your ideas below.

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      placebo effect of hypnosis

      Placebo effect of hypnosis therapy

        I got this email from a hypnotherapist in the UK:

        Some time back I ordered the whole collection of your scripts. I find myself coming back to them over and over again because they are just so excellent. Clients have commented very favorably, which is so rewarding for me.

        I wondered if I can ask you for your suggestions regarding a new client who I will see next week? He talks of having a 'low mood' most of his life. He has seen many counselors over the years and said 'counselling didn't work at all' (said he hated CBT and filling in forms). He is adamant he wants hypnotherapy this time which he hasn't tried before.

        In our brief phone conversation, he mentioned the following things: general low mood as the most pressing problem, mentioned 'depression' but not diagnosed, no sleep issues, is able to function well enough in the workplace, is anxious at times as well, part of him is always thinking and analyzing everything, often has a sense of hopelessness. He felt quite depressed about a year ago when a relationship ended. However he is now in a new relationship which is going well. He wants to rid himself of the low mood once and for all. He does not want to consider taking medication. He has always been very physically active because he knows that exercise helps him.

        Perhaps this is a dysthymic disorder!

        Anyway I really wanted to do the best I could for this chap and am asking for advice about which of the scripts in your opinion would be most likely to benefit him to get us started.

         

        SELF HYPNOSIS IS THE WAY FORWARD

        I replied:  This guy definitely has depression. All the classic symptoms are there.

        What he needs is a lifestyle change, more exercise, better diet and training in how to deal with his negative thought processes. However, he either does these already or has ruled them out so your options are limited.

        The leaves the only thing you can do for him is to teach him self-hypnosis. During that teaching you can plant suggestions as to how he should deal with his negative thinking patterns.

        Explain the benefits of self-hypnosis - quieting the inner voice, instilling calm into his mind, resetting his feelings etc. Then show him how to put himself into trance. Teach him a fixed routine, e.g. muscle relaxation, breathing, stairs etc.

        Placebo effect of hypnosis

        The idea is to make his first experience of hypnosis real and immediate. By doing that you will be able to exploit the placebo effect of hypnosis. Hypnosis is a strange experience for most people. It is so strange, so unknown, so powerful that it can fix anything, For example, many smokers stop because hypnosis felt so weird that it must have done something to them. The hypnotist just suggests that they right: now they can stop smoking. So, now that they believe they can stop, they do stop.

        Take him through all the standard exercises of eye catalepsy, finger lifts, dissociation and so on. Use the whole range of hypnotic convincers. Then get him to open his eyes while in trance and leave all the rest of his body frozen. This will convince him of the power of the mind and he will follow whatever you say.

        Put in some suggestions about challenging his thinking, getting out and about, recognizing his triggers, etc. Then bring him out of trance. Tell him to go back into the state all by himself. Coach him some more if necessary.

        Then leave it up to him. Tell him you have provided the tools. He now knows how to hypnotize himself so he can control his anxiety. It is up to him to apply them and he can come back to see you anytime he feels he should.

        That should improve the client's outlook, and do a lot of good therapeutically.

         

        What would you recommend to help this type of client?

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        three positive things

        Three positive things every day for wellness

          Therapists often get too involved in theory. We make things more complicated than they need to be. We tend to overthink things. It is easy to come to the conclusion that the world is full of difficult problems.

          Sometimes the simplest things are the best. Your mind pays twice as much attention to negative things as it does to positive things. This is the mechanism behind gloomy thinking, pessimism and depression. Because of that, we all need to focus twice as much on the positive events in our life. Every day, make sure you see the good as well as the bad.

          Three positive things to make you feel better

          One of the great things we can do for clients is to give them simple rules that they can use to improve their lives. There is one simple habit that really works. Encourage the client to write down at the end of every day three things that happened to them that were good.

          These do not have to be super wonderful things, anything will do. For example, seeing a lovely flower display, getting to the bus stop just as the bus arrives, a kind act by someone at work - anything. When you look out for the three things it makes you more aware of all the good things that actually happen in your life.

          The simple act of writing  down three positive things seems to impress them on the brain. People who do write down the three positive things become more resilient. You get a more cheerful attitude after only a few days. And doing it for longer makes it automatic. You will learn to focus on the positive.

          What do you think?

          Have you tried this? What ways do you use to cheer up your clients?

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          PTSD and Depression

          Explanation for PTSD and depression

            I am reading a book that I think might contribute the theory of how hypnosis works in therapy. The book is In an Unspoken Voice: how the body releases trauma and restores goodness by Peter Levine. It might be an explanation for PTSD and depression.

            Everyone will have seen an instant induction, where the hypnotist startles the client by shouting or pulling them off balance. It has long been known that this is the result of the parasympathetic nervous system putting the client into tonic immobility. The person goes limp, their eyes roll up into their head, their breathing changes, they are impervious to pain.

            Origin of PTSD and Depression

            The Levine book explains this as being one of the five bodily reponds to danger. When danger appears our body first goes tense and alert, then tries to run away, or if it can't run away gets ready to fight, if that isn't possible then the body freezes motionless, and when danger is imminent the final stage is tonic immobility, the body flops and becomes helpless.

            So instead the Flight or Fight responses, we should be talking about Flight, Fight or Flop. The book's argument is that when a person is frightened they go through the five stages. What is interesting is that the book claims that when the body is so frightened that we freeze, unless we are able to find a way to unfreeze the fear, the result is PTSD. According to his theory PTSD is result of not coming out of the freeze state. The therapy is therefore to help the client release the old fear.

            How therapies work

            This makes sense to me, and explains why relaxation, reiki, grounding, and yoga work to relieve mental stress by relaxing the body. It also offers a basis for understanding how metaphor therapy works.

            Perhaps the five stage theory also gives a basis for understanding the cause of depression. Depression is triggered by learned helplessness. If the response to relentless pressure and fear is tonic immobility, then this explains where the depression comes from. I am only part way through the book and this link has not been mentioned yet, so I am reading on with anticipation.

            What do you think?

            How do you deal with PTSD? What do you think causes these things?

            Open post
            Smoking Reinforcement Cycle

            Smoking Reinforcement

              I find it helps to understand smoking reinforcement. I had a young man today whose life is going nowhere. He smokes ten a day and does not know how to stop smoking. Part of him likes smoking but part of him wants to give up and can't.

              He said he is able to stop but keeps starting again. The last time he gave up was for three months, but started again after a row with his dad. He could not tell me why he started again. I then asked him what had been going on in his life when he first started smoking. He said that he was 16 and got a job as a trainee chef and everyone smoked at work and he wanted to fit in.

              I asked about his home life. He described nine people living in three bedrooms, including his disabled father and his pregnant girl friend. It was immediately obvious why he liked smoking: it reminded him of a time when he was happy and calm. Smoking let him get away from an environment that was chaotic.

              He agreed that smoking let him get away from things and to calm down. I asked 'calm down from what?'. He said that he usually smoked after an argument, either with his father or his girlfriend, who now had two children.

              Smoking Habit Reinforcing

              The smoking reinforcement pattern seemed to be:

              argument leads to anger leads to smoking leads to calming down which reinforces the smoking.

              This is a classic habit maintenance pattern. He smokes because it lets him calm down. So his smoking is reinforced every time he has an argument, and every time he feels bad about something.

              The standard stop smoking treatment consists of treating one or more of the parts of the cycle. You can attack the reward, and make the smokes taste horrible. You can attack the behavior and suggest that smoking will no longer work. You can attack the feeling and teach ways of dealing with the feelings.Or you can attack the reaction and suggest ways of managing the reaction.

              Ending the Smoking Reinforcement Cycle

              In this case I felt that fixing the smoking would only last until the next argument unless I fixed the response to the argument first. So I asked him to imagine that he was having an argument with his father, and to allow the feelings of anger to come out. He did that. When I was sure that he was feeling the anger I started doing Metaphor Replacement Therapy.

              We worked on objectifying the feeling. He said that the feeling was red, and round like a disk, about the size of an old record. It was thin and perfectly round. I got him to imagine getting rid of the red disk. He came up with the idea of melting it. He used a kitchen blow torch and it melted and vanished.

              I tested his feelings against another imagined argument. He reported that it just felt sad; the anger was gone.

              I then used my standard hypnosis routine help him stop smoking from today. As part of that I wove in suggestions about taking control of his life, getting away from the environment and creating a better future for him and his kids. And to not allow himself to be held back by other people's needs and feelings.

              I look forward to hearing how it all worked out.

              What do you think?

              How do you deal with cyclic behavior patterns? What ones have you seen?

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