Hypervigilance

Hypervigilant client

I had an interesting client today with Hypervigilance. Even though I have done thousands of hypnotherapy sessions I find there is always something new to learn.

This client was a man in his late twenties. He said "I lack the confidence to assert myself. My wife says I always gives in too easily. It is costing me salary and promotion. I just cannot stand up for myself". In the interview I learned that he will do anything to avoid aggression. He feels he has to keep people happy and never put forward his own views in case he causes aggression. He has to tell people what he thinks they want to hear.

It was obvious that he was afraid of confrontation but I couldn't find anything in his life that caused him to want to avoid aggression. Like many people he feared rejection and wants to be liked. But I noticed that every time I asked him about how he feels, he tells me what he thinks. This is the typical behaviour of the over-analytical person.

Symptoms of hypervigilance

One probing further I found that he has many symptoms of hypervigilance. Hypervigilance starts when a child feels that their environment is unpredictable and they become afraid of what is happening to them. The child then withdraws and puts up barriers to intimacy. The child's reasoning is that if they don't feel anything they can't be hurt. This client confirmed that he has no real feelings about anyone.

The client said he felt that he had a shell around him. That is the cue to start using a metaphor therapy technique. When I started with this client it did not work. He would not open up to his emotion. Instead he kept talking about what he thought of it.

Hypervigilant clients are hard to hypnotize because they analyse everything you say to them. Instead of reacting to your suggestions, they analyse the structure of the sentences or wonder about why you used that particular word. They are so busy analysing that you can't get through their defences.

Hypnotizing Hypervigilance

I thought that he would be hard to hypnotize and he agreed.
So I started the session with a rapid induction, he started smiling, and the impression I got was that he was feeling the induction but refusing to follow what his body was telling him. I then did a breathing induction and to my surprise his head started to nod, an indication of trance. I then did a deepener with a staircase induction, and he was in trance. Surprised me greatly. Tested with eye catalepsy. Worked.

So I learned that this hypervigilant client, at least, could be hypnotised. I think the key to it was using a kinesthetic induction to get him to focus on a feeling he had never before noticed, the feeling of the air inside his head as he breathed in.

The therapy was a long metaphor session.

Did the standard RIVERWALK with embelishments.
When he was looking at the town he saw someone like him at a table with friends doing all the things he wanted to do.
Had people following along the other bank.
Had him and his wife walking towards the town. Started with everything around stale and tired.
Then the little bridge where he says aloud what his problem is.
Then DROPPING THE STONES
CLOAK OF POWER
BRIDGE TO FREEDOM
DIRECT SUGGESTION
CONGRATULATE the mind.
FINGER LIFT CONFIRMATION

good session. What I learned from this is that even a therapy I have used many times can still surprise me. My own unconscious mind came up with a new twist to suit this particular client.

So what I ended up with is a new way of treating lack of confidence.

The power of the unconscious mind never ceases to amaze.

Bird phobia Fear of birds

Bird Phobia

I had an enquiry from a hypnotherapist in the UK.

I have a client (child aged eleven), with a very bad bird phobia.

We have had one session, which worked for a while, but the fear is back. Do you have any scripts that may help? We did cinema screen reframe last time.

For your child with bird phobia, you will find that NLP methods do not really work very well. Neither will a script. The best way to deal with a phobia is with simple regression.

Bird Phobia with regression

You need to get the child to get the feeling of the fear of the birds while she is in your office. This may be difficult and/or distressing. However it is the only way to get a result.

There are two methods. The standard method is to use the Affect Bridge. The child will give you a memory of when she was first frightened by the bird. You then find some resource to help her either chase away the bird or make friends with it. Reframing could be useful here. Make such changes to her memory of the event as well leave her feeling in control of it.

Bird phobia with Gestalt

Since the child is so young, there may not be a clear memory to work with. In that case use Gestalt Therapy. What you do in this case is to find a way for the child to be in the feeling, just as you do with simple regression. But do not attempt to find the memory. While the child is in the feeling, ask her what "thing" does that feeling most resemble. She will describe some thing, some object, that represents the feeling.

Then get her to make changes to the object. She can change the size, the colour, the shape, anything at all. As she makes changes, at some point it will transform into something quite different. Then encourage her to find a way to get rid of, to destroy, whatever it is that is left. The phobia will be gone.

See a longer description of clearing bird phobia.

Freudian slip: Calling your current partner by your ex-partner’s name

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Calling your current partner by your ex-partner's name

Today I saw a client with a Freudian slip. He called his current partner, Rachel, by his ex-partner's name, Rebecca.

A very decent man, he worries deeply about whether he is doing the right thing for his partner. He divorced his wife, Rebecca some years ago. Now he's started a relationship with a new partner, Rachel. Last week they invited a valuer to their home as the first step to setting up a financial basis for their new relationship. David inadvertently introduced his current partner as Rebecca.

Rachel was upset. However, she got over it. Until he did it again the following day. He called her Rebecca again.

Rachel got upset again. She continues to be upset. She has accused David of wanting to reignite the relationship with his ex-wife. She refuses to be consoled. Rachel is now talking about breaking up the relationship.

And to top it all, David called her Rebecca for a third time.

David is distraught. He desperately wants this relationship to work. He will do anything to make it work. But he is now terrified that he is going to use the wrong name again. The very last thing he wants is to have anything to do with his ex-wife. He just cannot understand why her name keeps coming up.

What to do about a Freudian slip?

Most people would just laugh it off. However David isn't that lucky. Rachel has also been through a messy divorce herself. She has little confidence in relationships. She desperately wants this relationship to work but is always looking out for signs that might be another disaster like the last one. So being called the wrong name just confirms this to her.

What is actually happening is the result of a simple psychological process. When David was married to Rebecca he got used to having a woman in his life. That woman was always called "Rebecca". He called her "Rebecca" thousands of times. If there was a woman there, he unconsciously identified her as Rebecca, and use that name. After thousands of repetitions it became automatic.

Getting a divorce does not wipe your mind clean. David is so used to using the word "Rebecca", that when there is a woman nearby that he feels comfortable with, his mind automatically brings up the word "Rebecca". It doesn't mean anything. It is just an unconscious shorthand process. It may actually persist for many years in certain situations. But it still doesn't mean anything, except his mind is taking a shortcut.

Both he and his partner are going to have to dig deep into their store of compassion and understanding to get over this. But it is definitely not grounds for separation.

Earliest memory Recall – How old were you?

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Earliest memory Recall

Can you recall your earliest memory? Research suggests that the average age of a single first memory is three and a half years old. The few memories you have from an early age are scattered and unrelated until much older. This has been known for over a century, but still is not appreciated by the general public.

Many people still believe that memory is like a streaming recording. That everything that happens to you, everything you see and hear, is permanently held somewhere in your mind. They think that with the right technique you can recall your earliest memory. This is just not true.

Clients often think their memory is deteriorating, or they worry because they don't remember anything before age six. In particular, people worry that if they don't remember anything from their early childhood, then they must be suppressing something. Something bad must have happened. I have had clients worried that they had been sexually molested. They could not think of any other reason why they had no memories of being that age.

Don't trust your earliest memory recall

The age at which memory becomes more or less continuous varies greatly. Women in general have earlier memories than men. Your chance of having an early memory depends on how startling or emotional the event was. The more dramatic, the more you are likely to recall something, although it may only be a fragment. About one in thirty of people claim to have a memory going back to age one. And about one in thirty have no memories at all before age six or seven, or even eight.

All memory is very plastic, changeable. Research suggests that many memories are in fact false. This applies in particular early memories. For most people, what you think is a genuine memory is actually the result of visualizing what relatives have told you happened, or you manufactured after seeing photographs of the time. Even the real memories that we have are being constantly revised. Almost every time you think of something, you're actually mixing it in with other incidents. You basically remanufacture your memories continuously.

All of these are normal and of no consequence.

Mind body connection reveals feelings in your body

Recent research into mind-body connection has identified that people from countries all round the world feel various emotions in the same parts of their body. This is to say, if a person in Algeria feels anger, then they feel it in their stomach. People in Argentina would feel anger in their stomach too. The theory is that the link between your body and your emotions is the same for everyone, everywhere.

Mind body connection

People were asked to shade in part of a body outline to show where in their body they felt anger, or sadness or happiness, etc. There were two interesting results. One, that so many people actually noticed a part of their body responding to a feeling. And two, that the same feeling was mostly associated with the same area of the body. So cold feet or an itchy nose may be reflecting your emotions.

In the West, mind and body were regarded as being separate. This research is just another piece of evidence that supports the Eastern view that the mind and body are intimately connected. The European view that your body and mind are separate is actually quite recent. Before the discovery of bacteria and viruses doctors recommended increasing your general well-being in order to increase your health. This led to the popularity of spas and seaside holidays.

Today, thinking about body and mind has come full circle. It is now widely recognized that there is a link between stress, anxiety and physical illness. A belief in the mind-body connection is no longer considered strange or New Age. People with clear physical illnesses are now regularly prescribed meditation, relaxation, and hypnosis as ways of getting better.

One reason why the link between mind and body is not more commonly recognised, is because it differs in individuals. Some people show a clear link, some people show no link.

I wonder if you have noticed the mapping between emotions and physical responses in yourself? Or like me, you don’t seem to see any response from your body to different moods?

How to recall a face with Hypnosis

How to recall a face

I have purchased your inductions and scripts but I have a client that is looking for help in remembering her fathers face. She was a child when he left the family home and she is desperate to be able to see his face.

I am not sure how to do this. Is it something you can help me with?

This is fairly straightforward.
Use a form of regression.
Put the client into trance using a countdown induction.
Then suggest that after the last number there is a corridor in front of her.
Along the corridor are doors.
As she drifts down the corridor she realises that behind the doors are scenes from her life.
As she goes deeper she is going back in time.
She can open each door and learn what is behind the door.
Take her back as far as she wants to go. At some point she will either find a scene with her father or not.
If so, good. Job done.

If not, then use a visualization metaphor.

Suggest she is in a warm bath, talk about relaxing, floating etc.
Then suggest she is now floating down a stream... continue with the floating and dissociation. Then suggest that she is a huge cave and away at the edges, miles away she can notice that there are aspects of her life but right here, right now, there is emptiness. But from far above something is trying to communicate. Get her to accept the communication, and suggest subtly that is is her father. He was been thinking of her always, and is now allowing her to become aware of his presence. Suggest peace, release, serenity etc. Encourage her to be open to the experience.

If she doesn't get anything then there is nothing there to find.

NLP Word Weaving a Waste of Breath?

NLP Word Weaving is something NLP people are very proud of. I was talking to some newly made hypnotists who had just finished a course in NLP and hypnosis. They were all excited about their new skills. They were looking forward to a sparkling career as an international hypnosis superstar.

I didn't have the heart to disillusion them so I let them rave on. The reality is that most full time hypnotists see fewer than six clients a week. 90% of graduates from NLP and Hypnotherapy schools never actually use what they paid so much money to acquire.

NLP Word Weaving in practice

However they were asking me about one aspect that was worrying them both. They didn't feel confident about applying the 'NLP word weaving' part of NLP. They had spent a long time admiring how others had crafted indirect suggestions and language patterns. It seemed to them that there were people who could produce endless streams of it on any subject. They were told this was the way to influence the client's subconscious with effortless mastery.

I had had to tell them that as far as I was concerned, all that effort on NLP Word Weaving was a waste of time and breath. There certainly are endless elegant ways of talking around a subject. There are many ways of structuring suggestions so that that the client doesn't notice. But there is absolutely no evidence that it actually works any better than a straight forward suggestion.

In fact there is evidence to the opposite. It is so subtle that many clients miss the point. So I had to tell them that they had nothing to worry about. I am not sure if they were more relieved or disappointed.

Dave Elman Induction Hypnosis

I came across a description of the Dave Elman induction the other day. It reminded me of why it is often necessary to go back to the original publication. Most, if not all, of the hypnosis training schools in the US teach the The Dave Elman induction. Over time each trainer modifies it to their own style. Gradually, how they teach it drifts away from the exact instructions in the original version. This is inevitable, but has consequences.

Dave Elman Induction Fractionation

What sets the Elman induction apart from other inductions is the use of fractionation. This is the name given to the technique of inducing trance by opening and closing the eyes. The hypnotist suggests that each time you close your eyes you will go deeper into trance.

However, in the original version, there is one crucial bit of the eye closure that has been forgotten. The original states that when doing fractionation, the hypnotist's hand should be held in front of the person's eyes. The hand is held so close that they cannot focus their eyes. This prevents them from being distracted by anything in the room.

I don't think that I have ever seen this mentioned in any modern version. A quick tour of the online videos of the Elman induction reveals that this detail has been omitted there too.

Perhaps we all need to go back to the source?

Fear of snorkeling phobia

I am looking for a script that will work with a lady who is having trouble putting her head underwater to swim or snorkel.

I haven't as yet had a full session with her. She mentioned that this would be what she would require healing with. I am not sure which script would work best. Your advice much appreciated.

I have used your hypnosis scripts in the past especially for nail biting. We have had a lot of success. I only had to go back and do a follow-up once.

Removing fear of snorkelling

There isn't really a script for this type of thing. What she is experiencing is a type of psychological fear linked to a much earlier fear. Most phobias are created when a child gets frightened by something. The child's mind creates an association between the fear and the situation. After that every time the child finds themselves in that situation the fear comes back. Over time, the fear get stronger and stronger. It can eventually become debilitating. Most adults deal with the fear by avoiding the situation. However, phobias are fairly easy to clear up.

You need to use regression for this condition. Find out what is triggering the fear, and what the original situation was that is causing the fear. Put the client into a light trance. Tell her to bring to mind the fear by thinking about what triggers it. When she is experiencing the fear at a mild level, ask her to allow her mind to open. Ask her to remember the very first time she ever felt that way. She will probably report some childhood event that she remembers, but has given very little weight to.

Ask her to describe the event in detail, who was there, what happened, yet had to make it as vivid as possible. Then introduce some element, or some person, or some personal power that she has that allows her to overcome the fear. Once she has succeeded in banishing the fear in her mind, the phobia is gone forever.

You don't need a script, you just need a procedure to follow.

Client won’t give up control

Client won't give up control

I had what I think must be my most difficult client the other day.

She was a young woman who came in because she has a fear of injections. However, that was only one of her multiple problems. She also has a fear that she will stop breathing when she is going to sleep. She has fear of losing control, she wants to have things remain the same, and hates change. For example rearranging the furniture at home sends her into a frenzy and she must move it back again. She is never on time and never seems to be able to get things finished on time.

All of these symptoms suggest someone with a touch of OCD. It seemed to me that these are all aspects of a collusive disorder. However, I am not a psychiatrist so I just deal with what is presented to me.

Why go to a hypnotist, if you don't want hypnosis?

She seemed very nervous, so I tried to create rapport and establish a common ground. Eventually she relaxed enough to let down her guard and chatted in a friendly way until I brought up the idea of hypnosis. She was absolutely dead against it. She said she could never give up control and did not want to be hypnotized. I explained that hypnosis was natural and normal and that she went into hypnosis several times a day, and gave her examples of daydreaming etc. She agreed that she did all these things but still would not try formal hypnosis.

I explained what metaphor therapy was and she agreed that she could do that. So I moved her to the big comfy chair and said 'This is not hypnosis, I am just going to ask you to breathe.' This brought out an instant opposition. She was not going to focus on breathing because it would remind her of sleeping and the fear of stopping breathing. Ok, I said "just close your eyes". Again total opposition, not going to close her eyes, because it would be like losing control.

Progressing when the Client won't give up control

I then tried a simple relaxation routine. I asked her to raise her hands then then slowly let them down and feel the body relaxing as they are lowered.

Lowering her hands six inches took about five minutes. She was totally reluctant to do any thing that would make her relax because of the loss of control. So I abandoned that idea. I then asked her to imagine that her arms and legs were so tired that she couldn't move them. She said 'Oh yes, I know what that is like. I don't like it.' So that was out.

I then tried a progressive relaxation. I had her lift up her shoulders and let them slump. Then tense her arms and let go the tension. This generated lots of giggles, but eventually I persuaded her to tense and release her chest, tummy, hips etc all the way down to her feet. She was a bit less tense by the end, so I did it again. And after a third time she agreed that she did feel less tense, and would like to do the metaphor therapy to get rid of the needle phobia.

"Close your eyes." She still couldn't close her eyes. I therefore tried the oldest hypnotic trick in the book, a eye fixation induction. I told to keep relaxed in her body, but to fix her gaze on a spot somewhere. Then I did a long, gradual series of suggestions that her eyes were getting heavy and her eyelids wanted to close. This took so long that by the end, my eyelids wanted to close! This was hard work.

How to give up control

Eventually she started flickering her eyelids. I then developed the safe place induction: imagine lying in some comfortable place etc. Her eyes finally closed and I could get on with the therapy.

I started with the therapy, and asked her to get the feeling she gets when she thinks about the needle. As might be predicted, even fully relaxed and with her eyes closed, she said could not get the feeling. More suggestions about relaxing and eventually she said that she could feel it. I was able to make some progress on the phobia and she agreed that it had been cleared.

I then gave her some general suggestions to help with the intrusive thoughts of the OCD pattern and brought her out. And the first thing she said was 'I just felt tired, that's why I had my eyes closed, it wasn't anything you did.'

I cannot recall ever having a client who was so unable to give up control.

What would you do in this case?

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