Table of Contents

Metaphor story as therapy

A metaphor story is used where either you don't know exactly what the problem arose from. Or where there are many interlinked problems, and it is impossible to tell which is the most relevant. Often the client doesn't know what the cause was, there was no one single event which started it.

Growing up is messy. Everyone has their own view of what happened. There is no one truth. No agreed interpretation of events. Every situation can be interpreted in multiple ways. Every set of facts, everything that has happened, can be understood differently.

How you see a situation can be quite different from how I see the same situation. Problems arise when people assign meaning to a situation and then are unable to change that meaning.

For example, consider the common situation where a child was beaten or neglected by their parents. That child may come to the conclusion that this means that they are bad and worthless.

If they were not bad and worthless it wouldn't have happened. That child grows into an adult believing that they are worthless. Everything in their adult life is affected by that constant dread feeling.

Beliefs Start in Childhood

The adult then starts behaving in self-destructive ways because they believe that they are worthless. Everything that happens to that adult is evaluated to see if it matches the belief of "worthless". Everything that confirms the "worthless" belief is recognized.

Everything that contradicts "worthless" is ignored and discarded. However, the meaning "worthless" is only one possible meaning from what happened. Other people would see the same situation as meaning that the child was fundamentally OK.

It was the parents who were unskilled, or needed help, or should have been punished, or some other meaning. The child's conclusion that they are "worthless" is only one possible meaning, and not helpful.

A belief such as "worthless" can be very deeply embedded in the adult's unconscious mind. That belief can be very difficult to access and to change. There is usually no one incident to find. The child just thinks 'that's the way thing are'.

Psychologically, deeply held beliefs are seldom challenged, or even examined. They're just accepted as true and unchangeable. But actually, they are not. That is where metaphor stories come in.

Metaphor story can change beliefs

One way to reach these deep beliefs is through a reframing metaphor story. A metaphor is a story about someone in a similar, but different situation, who was able get out of that situation by using a different set of assumptions.

The listener reflects on the story and automatically tries to match the general situation in the story to their particular situation. The listener's mind will find parallels between what happened in the story and what they can do in their situation.

By reflecting on the story, the listener is able to see their own situation from a different point of view. The metaphor story allows the listener to consider different ways of interpreting that situation.

As soon as the listener sees one way in which it could be viewed differently, then this immediately dislodges the certainty of the old belief. Then the way is open to start questioning that old belief. Which leads to abandoning the old belief.

Why use metaphor story?

Modern psychology has shown that metaphors are fundamental to being human. Humans understand their environment in terms of metaphors. In fact, without metaphors we really would not be able to describe anything.

Think of the new technology. A Metro transit card for example. This is the sort of thing you swipe to go into a railway station, and then have to replace the stored value at some point. When you need to transfer more money to the railway company, what is the right word to use for the process of adding to it?

Do you add money to it? Do you load money onto it? Do you top it up? Do you recharge it? Do you pay it? All you technologies can only be understood in terms of old technologies. New technologies do not come with a set of words which describe how to use them.

When the Internet first became common in people used it to find information, they had to find a word. They had to find a word for the process-of -finding-information-by-accident-while-looking-for-something-else.

No other technology had ever used this method. So there were no words about how to operate it.

The process of searching the Internet can only be described by using a metaphor for something else. Was it like going to a library? Was it like going to an office filing cabinet? Was it that looking at a train window?

What was finally agreed was that it was like finding stuff floating on a sea of information. And the word that became commonly used to describe this process, was "surfing". The common metaphor was that it was like being at sea or on an ocean.

In the case of the Metro card, how you describe the process tells me how you think about it. If you 'charge it', then I know you think of it like a battery.

If you 'add to it' then you think it is like store of value. If you 'load on it' then you are thinking of it like something that transports things. Every metaphor is a window into the speaker's mind.

Notice that in all the sentences above, I used the word "like". Like is an indicator of a metaphor. You say something is like something else. A metaphor is where you explain one thing in terms of some other thing.

When you say "my sister is like a pain in the neck". There is a metaphor. But we more commonly say my sister 'is' a pain in the neck. There is still a metaphor. And in this case it is a bodily metaphor.

What you're saying is that dealing with your sister gives you stress which she experiences a pain in your neck. Listening to the metaphors that people use gives you a very powerful insight into how they think and what they are feeling. That's why metaphor is used extensively in all forms of therapy.

Some people will give you quite specific metaphors when you asked them how they feel. They will say 'I feel like I am running rouind in circles'. Or 'I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel, I never get ahead'. Or 'This job is just crushing me'.

There are several distinct and powerful therapeutic approaches which are based on metaphor. They work very well, but only where the client is able to give you a specific metaphor. Many times when you ask why someone feels bad, all they can say is "I don't know".

Metaphor story therapy was developed just this situation. An experienced therapist will know just the right metaphor story to use. Even though a client cannot say exactly what their problem is, an experienced therapist will be able to find out what the general situation is.

And once you know what the general situation is, you can find a general metaphor story to fit that situation.

The metaphor story collection

This collection of metaphor stories offers complete stories to match certain situations. By reading or hearing the metaphor story, you are making yourself reflect on what is happening in the story.

The metaphor story has a beginning like your situation, and describes a problem something like yours. Then the metaphor story develops, usually several alternative ways that that problem was fixed. The metaphor story then lets you visualise a successful outcome.

Your own unconscious mind then maps all the elements of the metaphor story onto how you see your own problem. The unconscious mind is very creative, and used to working metaphors.

So when the metaphor story describes the people acting in the story even if they are dragons or sharks or something else, the mind has no problem matching it up with your experience.

Similarly, in the metaphor story, problems are described, and solutions are found, and your mind will match all of those to your problem. The metaphor doesn't have to be elaborate or long or anything else.

Some metaphors are very short some for as long as complete novels. All stories are metaphors.

The difference between a metaphor story and a clinical metaphor is the subject, who it is about. In a metaphor story, you are told what somebody else did. You are not the direct subject of a metaphor story.

In a clinical metaphor it is about you, and your personal situation. In a clinical metaphor, you are the one who is doing the action.

Metaphor stories are much more general, they can deal with problems you don't even know the listerner has. They work at many levels, on multiple problems, at the same time.

Cruise Control Metaphor story

Success is about knowing what your goals are, and how to get to them. This metaphor story points out that we all tend to rush at things that we shouldn't, then waste time worrying when we should be powering ahead.

Use this metaphor story with clients who are over anxious or feel 'driven' all the time.

It uses the idea of putting your life on 'cruise control'. Just as you can leave it up to the car to maintain its speed, you can learn to allow your life to determine its own rate of progress, and stop trying to control everything.

This simple metaphor story on the surface is about driving better, but is actually about not constantly trying to control everything. The metaphoric lesson is: set out to do what you want, and let things happen naturally and in their own time. You will get there in the end.

Cruise Control Metaphor Story

I used to have to drive to another city several times a month. The journey took about eight hours. I could have gone by plane or train but I had a lot of gear to take with me. Also I enjoy driving. It's good to get out on the road from time to time.

I tried various routes but it always took about the same time. I used to go as fast as I could, but got frustrated by slower vehicles and bends in the road. I always arrived tired and grumpy.

Then I bought another car. This one had cruise control. With cruise control you just set the speed and the car takes over. It maintains that speed for you and all you have to do is point the car in the right direction. I loved it.

It turned driving into steering. I would set the cruise control to just under the speed limit and take my feet off the pedals and just enjoy the scenery going by.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest of this script is in the Metaphor Scripts Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So what I discovered is that it is not about driving as fast as you can. Driving fast is actually about not slowing down. When things look difficult, remember that the road has been designed for you to go to the limit, and that the rules are there to protect you. By accepting that invisible partnership, you can go further and faster than you ever thought possible.

Addiction Relapse Metaphor Story

The Addiction Recovery Metaphor story reframes a slip from recovery back to addictive behavior as being something that can be expected and accepted on the way to recovery. Slipping does not mean that you have failed. You always have inner resources.

This metaphor story is for people in addiction treatment or recently out of addiction. This metaphor is used with addiction clients who have had or might have relapses. The typical reaction is that they think of their progress as an all or nothing thing.

Black and white thinking is typical in substance addiction. Addicts often feel that anything less than total success is total failure. It works by emphasizing that recovery from addition is a process, not an event.

You can always pick up where you left off. The message for the addict is that even if you fail on the way to your goal, you get to keep what you have achieved so far. When you relapse, you are not alone. You can ask others to help you, and they will help you.

Metaphor Story for Addiction Recovery

When I was a student, I went out one winter's afternoon and I found that my old car wouldn't start. I had been up all night getting my thesis finished...the final part of my degree... I had spent so long on it... In fact I had been working on it without sleep for days... I was exhausted.

I had finished 365 pages and it was all tied up. I had to get it into the mail before my deadline. It was very important to me. If I didn't get it right this time... well I didn't know what would happen... and so I reluctantly set out to walk to the Post Office ten blocks away.

The weather was terrible, it was grey and miserable... there was slush on the roads and icy patches on the pavement. After all my hard work it was just so unfair to be held back like this.

I started to walk very very carefully at first... being very careful where I put my feet... and then as I got going I got more confident... I was in a hurry to get there... I began to pay less attention.

... and suddenly I found myself flat on my back... sore and bruised... I lay there gasping... and imagined everyone laughing at me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Constant Rock Metaphor Story

The Constant Rock metaphor story reframes adversity as being what makes people stronger, that experience teaches and shapes you. It shows that you can choose to rejoice in your own hard earned strength, and use that to renew yourself constantly.

Many people have to endure adversity, and struggle to find the will to go on without the help or therapy. This powerful metaphor story can be used to help anyone learn from adversity, and gain strength through adversity.

I wrote this metaphor for two psychotherapists I know. Every week they dealt with the secrets of sexually abused clients, always maintaining a professional face but each day being hurt just a little more deeply as each new horror unfolded.

By the end of the week they were drained, exhausted, ready to give up. They just needed to be reminded that they have the capacity to absorb, deflect and adapt.

Constant Rock

I wonder if you have had the experience of going to the seashore and seeing a rock out at sea, and watching the waves crashing against the rock? And you might wonder about the waves. Where they come from and why they appear one after the other ... endlessly.

Why the rock has to put up with the waves.

Waves are the result of storms far out at sea... the storms have disappeared but the waves they caused are still crashing in... long after... and the bigger the storm, the bigger the waves that roll in.

And I remember a particular rock... it was protecting the shore behind it ... breaking the waves, defending, deflecting, reshaping, reforming... Maybe you recall a similar rock?... that looked as if it had been there forever ... solid and strong...

and every wave that came surged against it ... broke up with a roar and then withdrew eventually... Some waves were so large they submerged the rock ...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphor story Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Procrastination Indecision metaphor story

In life, the journey is more important than the destination. Too many of us agonize over choices in things that don't matter, and in the end maybe choose none of them.

Going to Istanbul is a metaphor for people who are forever putting things off until everything is just right. They won't start until they have checked all the options, until they have looked into every aspect. And who won't decide between different options in case they pick the wrong one.

This colorful metaphor story seems to be about choosing where to go on vacation, but is actually about rethinking the need for certainty. By embracing uncertainty, sometimes you get better outcomes.

Going to Istanbul metaphor extract

I wonder if I ever told you about a friend of mine who was forever talking about going to Istanbul... but somehow there was always something... It wasn't the right time... couldn't afford it this year... too much work on ...

my friend talked about it and talked about it for years... and every now and then would look into it...

This usually started with how to get there... you can fly direct of course from almost anywhere... just get yourself to the airport... and you can be in Istanbul in a matter of hours... fast, efficient... no fuss...

and before you know it, you are landing in an exotic capital... walking out of the airport in bright sunshine... with all the sights and sounds and the gateway to the Orient right in front of you...

... however when when my friend went on to the internet to book the flight... the travel agent’s website showed an advert for the “Orient Express”... a luxury train that goes overland across Europe...

In Paris you get into a luxury Pullman... and travel through the Alps to Innsbruck and Vienna... all the while sitting in luxurious comfort... enjoying fine dining and wines... and maybe you can imagine it... the smell of French coffee...

travelling through the heart of Europe... glorious scenery slipping soundlessly past... snow shimmering on distant mountain tops... clattering over bridges by lakes and rivers... and as the train glides on through the night... snuggle into a comfortable bed in a private compartment...

come the morning... a steward waking you with tea... three days with nothing to do but relax... and yet, it was quite expensive... maybe an organized coach would be a better way to travel...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Swimming Bear Metaphor Story

The Swimming Bear metaphor story questions the benefits of social isolation, the need to keep your distance from others, and lets you become aware of your social isolation.

Many people with social phobia are not aware that they keep people at a distance. They don't realize that they are actually preventing others from getting close emotionally. They push people away, and put up barriers when they do start to get emotionally involved.

The constant fear of rejection drains emotional energy and stops healthy relationships forming.

This metaphor story uses an absurd story of a bear at the beach to make its point. It highlights what you are really doing with social isolation, asks why you need to keep their distance from others.

It makes you very aware of how you are isolating yourself, of what you are doing to keep others at arm's length.

The Swimming Bear metaphor story uses hypnotic suggestion techniques to visualize their social defenses and to show the person how they can keep those defenses but still expand their emotional comfort zone. It makes you realize that nobody cares about your barriers except you.

The Swimming Bear metaphor story extract

An owl was walking along a deserted beach one day, just enjoying the sunshine and watching the waves roll in, when suddenly the water was full seals frolicking around and diving in and out of the waves.

The seals began to swim ashore and throw themselves on the sand. They lay there basking in the sun and rolling around without a care in the world. And more and more seals began to come ashore.

And to the owl's surprise a bear came swimming in, hauled itself out of the surf, and shook its fur dry before flopping down on the sand. The bear saw the owl watching and said 'What?'

"Oh", said the owl. "I didn't mean to be rude. But I never expected to find a bear in a seal colony".

"It's a long story", said the bear, "but I was brought up among these seals and I have learned to survive among them. Actually I am quite proud of myself. No other bear can swim as well as I do".

The owl thought for a while and said "I can see that you have learned skills that are unique and useful to you. But is that what you want?".

"I can swim outstandingly well, you know", said the bear.

"Yes", said the owl, "But is that what you want?'.

"What else could I need?" thought the bear, as the owl walked on.

Time passed, and the question just wouldn't go away. The bear still did not understand the question, but couldn’t let it go. So one day, the bear just couldn't stand it any more and set out in the direction that the owl went.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Let go of the little things Metaphor Story

This little metaphor story is a simple but powerful way of getting the point across to people who are anxious and wound up about the little things, the micromanagers.

The Let Go of the Little Things metaphor points out in a simple and memorable way how you should think of your life, the people it, and what you have to do. It encourages you to decide what is valuable and what not.

It shows that no matter how much you choose to worry, there is always room for more. So why bother?

This metaphor story has been around for many years in different forms, so don't be afraid to change it to suit your needs.

Small stuff Metaphor Story

One day, a professor stood at the table at the front of her psychology class. She laid out some items in front of her. When the class began, without saying a word, she picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with different colored golf balls.

She then asked the students, 'Is the jar full? They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly until the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured the sand into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up all the remaining spaces. She asked once more 'Is the jar full?' The students responded with a unanimous 'yes!'

The professor then produced a jug of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the sand.

She asked 'Is the jar full now?' The students again had to agree that it was full.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Think outside the box Metaphor Story

A metaphor story about challenging assumptions and thinking outside the box. The simplicity and the magical characters tie you to stories from childhood.

The metaphor uses talking animals and elements of magic to get the point across in a subtle way. At the heart of the metaphor is getting rid of self limiting assumptions and thinking outside the box.

However, the metaphor story deliberately does not deal with this openly.

The adventures of the teddy bear are told as actions, and the listener is left to draw their own conclusions. The strength of this kind of metaphor lies in its multilayered complexity. It is a child's story told to an adult.

The simplicity of the story, the 'Just-So' style of telling and the magical characters are designed to remind the listener of stories from childhood. What children and adults both miss, is that fairy stories and children's tales are all a kind of metaphor story.

Cinderella is a metaphor of waiting for bad times to pass, and that bad people will get punished in the end. The Ugly Duckling teaches children that everyone has the potential to be successful. That is why they have survived almost unchanged for centuries.

In the case of Pandora's Box, the story originated more than two thousand years ago, in Classical Greece. It was originally called Pandora's Urn. The metaphor story of Pandora tells children not to touch things they shouldn't. But also that there is always a way out of trouble.

This type of story causes the listener to associate into a childhood state in which they can start a mental search for events and images that match the story elements.

And while part of the mind is searching childhood memories, another part of the mind is thinking about what the story means. Metaphor story is a subtle and gentle way of applying therapy, in this case to change assumptions.

Some listeners will just dismiss the metaphor as an amusing story, but for some others, it will trigger a search for their own mental 'blocks' that neither the client nor the therapist know are there.

Thinking outside the box Metaphor Story extract

One day a little teddy bear was sitting by a lake... quietly watching what was going on.... just enjoying being relaxed and calm... the little bear had one or two good friends among the birds and the other animals...

but never really felt part of it.... like an outsider.... and didn't know why.... whenever a big important animal came along ... the little bear got flustered or embarrassed or said the wrong thing.... never knew what to do.

And the bear was thinking about this when a voice said "What would you like things to be like?" The bear looked around startled... and saw a cat with big floppy ears sitting on a low box, watching, the way cats do.

"Who are you?" said the bear.

"That's not important", said the cat with the large ears. "Do you know who you are? That's what's important".

"How did you get here?"

"That's not important, either." the cat said, smugly, and began to nibble a tadpole.

"That's a funny looking box you're sitting on." said the bear, at length.

"Oh this - it's not a box, it's a book, actually."

The bear looked at the book for a while and said "It doesn't look very comfortable. "

"It's not meant to be comfortable. It's meant to let you do what you want."

"Wow" said the bear, impressed. "Anything you want?"

"Mmmm"

"And would it let me do anything I want?" asked the bear, hopefully.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My Secret Power Metaphor Story

A metaphor story to remind you not to put too much faith in other people's claims to secret powers. If they have that power then most likely you have the same power. It is worth being a little skeptical sometimes.

If you are willing to believe in secret powers, then there is someone who is more than willing to tell you that they have got it. Secret powers, magic, and mental influence do not exist.

Every week it seems that someone, somewhere is claiming to have some sort of unexplained knowledge and ability. And in every case, that someone is ready to let you in on the secret for just a few dollars down.

The metaphor story below is a useful tool to create doubt in the mind of anyone who refuses to disbelieve any sort of guru, expert or visionary. Thousands of people were taken in by the cloud gazer, but it only took one bit of science to prove it was all fake.

My Secret power metaphor story

In England, for one summer in the 1930s, a man became very famous in the newspapers of the time. He had the ability to control clouds. He told everyone that he could make clouds disappear by the power of his mind.

All he had to do was just stare fixedly at a cloud, and it would vanish.

He was challenged to demonstrate this. So he and some reporters went out on a sunny day in Southern England. He asked the reporters to look up in the sky and pick a cloud, any small cloud. And by the power of his mind, he would make it disappear.

The reporters picked a cloud. He told them to watch it closely. And to their amazement, the cloud slowly vanished. He told them to pick another cloud, and that one vanished as well. The reporters were convinced.

The man's ability became a sensation in the newspapers. Everybody was talking about his strange new power.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Apple Tree metaphor story

Finding the Right Question

Sometimes we keep doing things and get nowhere. And sometimes we should stop and think about whether the reason we are not getting anywhere, is because we are not asking the right question.

Sometimes the answer is not as important as the question. This simple metaphor story gets the point across simply and memorably.

Use this little metaphor story whenever your client is unable to make any changes in how they feel about someone or something. Tell it to your client and just leave it hanging there.

Let their unconscious mind make the connection. The client's subconscious mind will work it out for you. And maybe find the right question.

It is a useful thing to email to your client between sessions. Just tell them it is something to think about, and maybe they can discuss it at the next session? At the very least, it might open up new areas to explore.

Apple Tree Metaphor Story extract

My father told me that when he was a boy there was this woman who lived near him on the outskirts of town. She had an apple orchard, and she never could get the result she wanted.

She pruned the trees right, fed them the way they should be, tried everything she could think of. But never got the big, healthy apples she longed for.

There was always something going wrong. One year the wind blew the blossoms off the trees, and there was no fruit. Then next year she got a few but the birds pecked holes in them.

Then it rained for months and the apples rotted. The following year it was insects. And so on.

It seemed she just couldn’t get any luck.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Child of Time Metaphor story

Your life is important. Every life is important. This metaphor allows you to reframe your own life. It uses the idea of Deep Time to put your own life into perspective. It shows that every life matters, is valuable, meaningful.

Child of Time Metaphor Story

I wonder if I have ever told you the story that an old friend of mine once told an old friend of mine to tell to me

one time my old friend was diagnosed with a medical problem... or maybe it was a bereavement… something like that…

and some things can really make you think, can't they?... and start you thinking changing thoughts... about your life... about what might have been... about what it all means... about where we are going... and who we are...

So my friend went out into the countryside somewhere... to get space to think... and after travelling for some time... not really thinking at all... found a lovely quiet place... in a sheltered grove... in the shade of some trees... settling down comfortably... just sitting and relaxing deeply now...

it seems my friend went for a stroll... or maybe was thinking about a stroll... or maybe just dreamt about a stroll...you sometimes can't be sure about some things, can you?...

maybe you can imagine... walking slowly... deep in thought... soft dappled light under trees... warm and comfortable... mind emptied and calm... and going down a path... grass crunching under your feet... idly kicking aside twigs... pebbles...

and dislodging a flat stone... and underneath... a round hole... the neck of an old clay pot... and inside... some dusty stuff... and a bracelet... of red coral... bits of coral... from some distant shore...

polished and worn from long use... warm from the sun... the sort of thing somebody might wear... as an ornament... and you pick up the bracelet... and holding it in your hand... it almost feels alive...

and you hold it up to the light... and light sparkles off it... and you feel dizzy...

and a strange sensation comes over you... your eyes flicker... the air shimmers... the sky brightens... the landscape changes... everything looks fresher, greener, lighter... different... the air smells young... and you look around...

the valley in front of you is strange... the trees are different... and smoke rises from a faraway fire... and there is a female figure standing before you... dressed in strange clothes... she looks at you... her eyes lock on yours...

and you are drawn in by that gaze... and you are turning, swirling, falling, tumbling down deeper into deep dark space...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The rest is in the Metaphors Collection
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -