Four ways to see yourself as you really are

Too often we have a distorted view of our self. How you see yourself determines how you feel. There are four deadly habits that eat away at your self image, your self esteem. Your self image defines your feelings, your values and your self worth.

One way to overcome this is to imagine that you can look into four separate mirrors and see yourself as you really are. Each mirror reminds you that you are a reflection of how you think. Each mirror is a different perspective, a new way of building up your self esteem. Use the mirrors to stop the four deadly habits.

Ending the four deadly habits

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself. They should only be one person in that mirror, you. What you should compare yourself to is what you used to be. That is the only valid comparison. That is the only valid way of looking at who you are in comparison with how you should be. What other people have, what other people can do, is not the measure to work with. They have different backgrounds, different motivation, different resources. You are not you. The correct measure is whether you are better than you used to be. Nothing else.

2. Stop trying to please everyone.

You can't please everyone. Trying to please everyone means diminishing yourself. The person who matters most in your life is you. If you look in your second mirror the only person there should be you. The person you need to please is your own internal critic. You need to keep improving steadily, achieving small gains, celebrating a continuous process to getting better and better at what matters to you.

The more time you spend worrying about what other people think about you, the less time you think about actually developing your own personality. When you get to the point where you like who you are, when you're proud of who you are, you will find that people automatically respond to you. People will like you and respect you. And that means you don't have to try to please them. Just being who you are will please the people who matter.

3. Stop blaming other people.

When you look in your third mirror, again, there is only one person there. There is no one to blame for the successes and failures in your life except you. Blaming other people wastes time that could be better applied. Blaming other people suggests that the location of the power to change is somewhere outside of you. It is not. Blaming the system, the man, the economy are all just ways of telling yourself that "It's okay if I don't do anything". "I am a victim".

4. Take responsibility for the outcome.

Once you accept that you, and only you, are responsible for where you are and who you are, then you can begin to improve. You only get one life. Look in the fourth mirror and ask yourself "Is this really the best I can do?". Every day some opportunity arises. It is your responsibility to do something with it. It is your responsibility to make every day count. No one can make you feel small unless you let them. No one can take things away from you unless you let them. Take a good hard look at the person in that mirror, that is the person responsible for all your problems and all you successes.

Every time you interact with someone else, ask yourself "What mirror am I looking at right now?".